The Second Boy Friend

The second young man who I met would become one of my best friends by total coincidence.  At the time of our first meeting we were both presidents of student organizations, and our groups were stationed next to each other at the student org night.  I had gone under our table to stand behind the poster, and when I stood up, a very tall young man was staring at me – R.  We began a conversation about the merits of different places to stand for best advantage when talking to passers-by, followed by an exchange of contact information, a plan to discuss how our groups could work together, and so began our odd and wonderful friendship.

In that first year, we only got together a few times, but they were quite memorable including a road trip to attend a book-signing, a long walk around campus at midnight, and swapping of books.  I graduated a year before R did, so the only time I saw him that next year was at homecoming.  That meeting was slightly awkward because it was on a lunch out that I confessed I had feelings for him.  Nothing came of that confession because we figured out that since I was far away, it wouldn’t work, and so we just continued to be good friends.

We only saw each other one more time after that where we hung out for an entire day involving a massive hike, a long dinner, and game-playing.  In between all that other time, we have maintained a correspondence that, frankly, astounds me.  We write long missives that are newsy, humorous, and incisive.  And upon meeting up again for the first time in two years a month ago, we were able to pick right up where we left off because of all the writing we did, and because we have so much to talk about.

R is now a student again, but he is also a gifted writer, and a young man who is very generous with his time and enjoys volunteering his time and gifts.  He lives near where I work, and has a girlfriend that I’ve never met that is supposed to a) live near where I live, and b) be a very nice girl.  R and I probably have the closest friendship – the one where we can talk about anything.

The First Boy Friend

Let’s start these boy introductions at the beginning, with the first boy that was a friend, without being a boyfriend.  We met the first day of college because he lived in my dorm.  His name (for our purposes) is J.

J and I have an interesting history.  When first we became friends he was in a long-term, long-distance relationship.  And then that relationship fell apart, and fell hard.  J didn’t know what to do with himself, so he started hanging out with me and my girlfriends on a regular basis.  We would all go to the movies together, stay in and play board, card and video games together.  It was fun.  And I had a bit of a crush.  And maybe he had a bit of a crush on me, but we were both too wussy to do anything, so we just stayed friends, and it was good.

And then we graduated, and I got into a masters program, and had plans to move away to another state with my best girl friend.  And he – he was a little co-dependent at that point, so he followed us.  And what made it even more awkward was that we wrote lots and lots of emails, and he interpreted that as a possible opening for an “us”, and it wasn’t, and that was bad for a little while, but then it was fine.  That’s when my roommate moved away to get married, and left us alone to try and figure us out.  We had a couple of very drunken evenings where things almost happened, but they didn’t, and that made everything better, because it just proved to me (and maybe us) that we could make it through the awful weirdness and still be friends.

Now that I’ve graduated again and moved away it’s still awkward sometimes, but we’re friends, and we share friends, and interests, and can make jokes about things that no one else will get.  I’m happy with how things are, and I love hanging out with him the way we do.  The only problem is that I don’t know if he’s feeling anything other than friendship – and I wouldn’t want him to feel that way.

J has a terrible, boring job.  He is the smartest person there, so they give him lots of responsibility, and he’s slowly making his way up the ranks, and getting the promotions and recognition that he deserves, but he could be doing better things with his life.  He can be very lazy, and he’s a giant nerd, loves music that no one else does, and he’s a genuinely good person deep down when he’s not being a funny asshole.

By Manner of Introduction

Dear friends,

You can call me Button.  I’m a young woman in her mid-twenties who, despite my best efforts, cannot seem to get my act together with men.  I have a decent personality, am reasonably attractive, and put myself out there.  My problem is not the finding of men – it’s getting them to want to date me and not to think of me as potential girlfriend instead of awesome new friend who happens to be a girl.

Part of this is my attitude and fault – I have a propensity towards trying my best to be “cool” and to wanting so much to have real, fun interactions with people that I resign myself to being friends with guys even (and especially) if they don’t seem interested in dating me.  There are times when I’m totally fine with this – if a guy is awesome enough, then you want to hang out with him irregardless of the fact that you won’t be making out at the end of the night.

As for what I do (other than find ways to be friends with all the boys I want to throw myself at), I’m a librarian for a large corporation that many of you have heard of.  It attracts lots and lots of eager young men looking to make a name for themselves, and many of these young men are attractive.  Unfortunately, the ones who are attractive are married, and the ones who are not are short.  I’ve met two of my best boy friends at this company, and I’ll introduce them in the next few posts, along with my best boy friends from college.

So, what should you expect from this blog?  Frank discussion of the friendships of men and women.  Infrequent tales from my dating history.  And a deep and abiding love for the differences between men and women that make our relationships so interesting.

love, Button.